1 / Light

 

There's nothing as important as good light for the good beginnings. I looked out of the window in the morning and I could tell the exact way air smelled. I wanted to go for a long walk around the water, but I felt tired, so I had a four hour nap. Don't get all jealous.

Fireworks woke me up at midnight; Husband was sleeping so hard it made me think he would just sleep until war would be over. Kid woke up thought and was kicking heavily and crazy- made me think about poor puppies and small kittens that are afraid of the noise and the flashes.

I kissed my Husband on whatever part of his body was out of duvet, I poked Kid dancing inside and I said 'happy new year guys'. Not did I get any response, not did I expect it.

Then I ate two Gaviscons and I fell asleep. And then there was light.

hey Santa, my boyfriend made me do this!*

Today was a good day, because it was my day off. And my man didn't had to wake up at 4am( I know). So we spent the morning lying in, eating nice breakfast, listening to Christmas songs and being happy together.
After he left to work I decided to get to town and buy some of the gifts. And I went to see Santa. Which wasn't easy as I'm probably too adult and too pregnant to make it look different then awkward. So I said my boyfriend made me do it*.
But Santa was cool with everything. He treated me like he would any other kid knocking to his lounge room. He even gave me a toy. He also said that Polish women are great cooks. I looked on him suspiciously and ask him how do you know it, Santa? From what I know mrs Santa is not from Poland... But he just blushed under his fake beard and changed subject. So there we are. The best money spent EVER.

* LIE.

But maybe orange?

Today was another long day and it's not over yet.
While wondering about life ( fifth year in a row) with Sandra I told her that one guy at work said it's much easier with boys, because they are simplier. And I said: maybe you're right- if they say they want black, what they want is black- not a shade of grey similar to blue but with yellow flashes- but darker. 
I just hope I won't try to convince him that what he really wants is orange.

TODAY, all about today.

Today is a perfect for starting this blog which I was supposed to start weeks ago, around the time I peed on a first plastic stick. Today is perfect for couple of reasons.

First of all, today is nothing special. It's already ten days after my birthday, it's not Monday, it's not the first, my pregnancy week number is not even. I'm 21 weeks pregnant. And one day.

Second- today I already fought with myself twice, and I won twice.

First time was just before midday, when my Husband( see 'about') was leaving to work- I got one of my panick attacks. I started to cry, hysterically, I couldn't breath and I didn't make any sense. My Husband gave me a big hug and a small kiss and he left- he was in late already. In between I'm useless and I swear I clean this house every fuckin day and it's still dirty and my poor baby probably has no idea what's going on I'm a horrible mother I got a spark of an idea. I got up, made myself decaff, ate a bit of chocolate and I washed my face. It was a good start. Then I cleaned this bloody house again, and I washed the clothes again and I even cleaned my closet for the first time since April. I was proud and happy- it was a first time I actually got up and went.

Second time was after I ate dinner and decided to finally learn how to thread my Machine. Machine was a birthday gift from my Husband, arrived yesterday. I felt in love straight away, cried a little bit, hugged my man, hugged my machine( we name her Machine), went to Argos to get shit loads of thread and sewing box. I felt very professional until I sat down in front of it. Then I felt lost. So today I spent two hours sitting on my ass, sending emails to Sandra, googling, youtubeing, reading instructions( the worst possible thing to do) and contemplating my stupidity. I went to the toilet and while peeing I thought- fuck it, bitch, when your child will shit himself all over and you won't be 100% sure how to clean him and change a nappy, will you just live him like this? I must admit- it's a heavy conversation to have with yourself- but it worked. In the next twenty minutes I was doing my first stitch*. And tomorrow I will even try to sew couple of things TOGETHER. Watch this space.

So there we go. It had to be today. So it is.

*Thank you SO MUCH Tilly and The Buttons! I would never make it without you.